Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
