You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
