I'm so fucking centered right now
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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