Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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