You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
