but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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