i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
