this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
