the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
