I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
