ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
