saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
