Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That's how pantless uber rides happen
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
