He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
