9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
