So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
