when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
