ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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