i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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