First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
