oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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