i already hear my dad disowning me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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