I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
