I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
