Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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