420 ftw
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
