I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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