Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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