I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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