she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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