so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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