I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Shame is for Republicans.
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