There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i will never coherently bang her
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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