I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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