I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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