I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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