Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
