there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
