Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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