dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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