at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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