Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize