I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
