i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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