It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
