mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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