Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
