when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
