Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
