Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
