I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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