So drunk its hurt
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
