dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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