I look better un-naked...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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