maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize