Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
