I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
