I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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