he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
