The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
