I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
