i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
