He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
