He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
