She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
