you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Blood and glitter go together right?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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