Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
