Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
