the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
