Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
