Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
