for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize